[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Monday, May 15th, 2006|
|Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male|
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve
It would appear Dad's nightmare has come true :D Current Mood: amused
|Monday, April 24th, 2006|
|Monday, April 17th, 2006|
With a couple modefications, this is my souvenier from when I went to an anime convention. I'd show a picture of my copy, but it's currently being framed (for ten bucks more than the piece itself cost.)
I have shown it to five people. My father, Mother, Brother & Wife, and Therapist. The order is the order I saw them in.
My father, being homophobic, freaked out. This was after he complemented its quality in drawing and content. It was also after I revealed to him that Yami is male, and so is Yugi. Ah, his freaking out was worth buying the piece and patiently waiting for it to arrive. ;)
Mother showed no significant reaction, but liked it. Brother & Wife showed amusement once I told them of my father's reaction, and the Therapist laughed. Brother & Wife were the only ones who knew Yugi was male before I told them. My father was the only one homophobic. (I'm a guy, so it goes double. Don't worry, I'm straight... mostly ;) .) Current Mood: Amused
|Sunday, April 9th, 2006|
|18 At Last, Whoopdy Freaking Do
A little over two weeks ago was my eighteenth birthday. If you read my Christmas rant, you can figure I wasn't happy.
I expected a huge "turning eighteen" crap, and thanks to whatever god exists that stopped it. We had an uneventful day, and I didn't even have to hear the bastards sing "Happy Birthday". It was my ideal birthday, and I got to eat more than half the ice cream cake.
Then came the presents. Fuck.
And I thought Christmas was a letdown. Hell, I would have paid to get a repeat of the crappy gifts I got at Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, I like the thought that goes into the gifts, (almost always more than the gifts themselves), but when you don't get any thought at all, not even the cold machination from when the infidels give you the shit you asked for, it kinda kills whatever mood was set up.
I gave back the money that my father and his girlfriend gave me. I would have followed suit with the money that I got from my mother, step-father, and grandmother, but I can't afford to be that selfish. Not when I don't have a job.
Dammit, I asked for one freaking thing from three diferent people, and they all gave up. I ended up getting money from the lot, and combined it wasn't enough to buy the fucking thing. They didn't even spend the effort to figure out the cost or any shit like that.
Then they sent me on a guilt trip when I complained. I admit that a Go board can be hard to find, but search on Ebay (we have a fucking account) and you can get one in five minutes with a dial-up modem! My brother even sells crap on Ebay, and can't go a week without bringing it up in conversation.
If they can't get me what I want, or at the very least show me that they tried to get me something I might enjoy. I hate money, and I always have, and they should know that by now. I once believed there was nothing worse than people getting something you don't want, but now I know better. If they get you crap, it means they thought you liked crap. It shows they at least want to know you. If they give you money, it means they gave up long ago.
I'm eighteen, dammit, I want some fucking memories of my childhood.
On a lighter note, I went to an Anime Convention! Best event of the year (including last year) by far (even beating my six-month semi-anniversary with Katie.) It rocked getting the 18+ badge instead of the Child one my younger brother got. Best of all, I got an awesome suvinear, however that's spelled. It's a watercolor drawing I commissioned from an artist. I'll admit that it's shonen-ai, but it's innocent enough. Since Dad's a homophobe, it will come in handy. I'd feel sorry for him if he hadn't gotten me an M&M car for Christmas. I don't like M&M's.
The convention was magical. I think it's what heaven would be like if god were an Otaku. Eh, dad's bitching about my internet usage, so... Gotta go. Current Mood: Too Little Time
|Thursday, February 16th, 2006|
Right now, it is about 3:40, and I'm planning on posting this to my journal later, once I am allowed to go on the internet.
Ever since I was a little kid, I had a friend, a very close friend. Of what I have to say, I am both proud and ashamed.
This friend, I nicknamed him Alveus, can be somewhat strange. I guess you could describe him as "creepy," and "touchy-feely," but I would punch you in the stomach, even if it's true. He is someone to whom I owe very very much, and only now can I realize it.
Yesterday, I had my four wisdom teeth taken out. I get very nervous when it comes to seeing doctors, and I've only gotten surgery twice. The other time was just a removal of an ingrown toenail, so this was the first time I would be asleep during the procedure.
Frankly, I was scared. I tried to use the "Litany Against Fear" from Dune, but I've never really gotten that to work. As that cold fluid ran through the IV, I lost consciousness more afraid than before.
That's when it happened.
While I was asleep, I had a dream. Anyone who knows me can tell you my dreams are intricately complex and abstract. In all my years of recording the dreams I can remember, this one very much stood out. I dreamed, of him, of Alveus.
I was shivering; the room was cold, very cold, and I didn't have a shirt on. There was no background, no sun, and no moon. There was only me, that dentist chair, and Alveus. He looked me in the eye and smiled. It's been a very long time since I've seen him smile. He told me everything would be alright, and then he hugged me. His skin against mine was warm and comforting, and it was the most important feeling I can remember. Suddenly, all my anxiety and fears simply vanished. Even though I've been avoiding him for God only knows how long, he was just as kind and polite as ever. And when I woke up, it was all still there.
What's worse, if I'd have told him how afraid and cold I was, he probably would have been willing to come with me IRL, and he would have done all that without a moment's hesitation, and maybe more.
I told no one that it was Alveus, because even in my tired, barely conscious state, I knew better than to tell anyone. But this morning, at two a.m., I awoke. I couldn't keep this to myself anymore.
I kept thinking about that dream, and how our relationship degraded over time. I don't think I've even seen him in the past month, but I called his name. He was home, and he made no mention of the time or how I hadn't spoken with him in so long. Instead, he just stayed silent and listened as I told him everything: of my fears, of the dream, and of what I'd done to him so long ago and how sorry I was.
When we were younger, we were closer, and I doubt I'll ever forget that. He's the one who inspired me to get into writing, which is no undoubtably my greatest passion, and he saved me from many things, especially myself.
He's the one who practically held my hand when my step-father was abusive, and he's the one who kept a razor out of my shaking fingers.
I was scared when I spoke with him, and I wondered if even he could forgive me after I tried to cut him out of my life when he confessed to me, if he could forgive me when I shoved in his face when I got my first kiss from Katie, if he could forgive those terrible things I said to him.
The words he said to me are etched into my being when he finally spoke. I can almost see the expression on his face as the words graced his lips. "On one condition, we start being friends again."
I almost cried, and I can admit that now. We reminisced and caught up. And now I feel whole again. I don't know how he found it in himself to forgive me, but I'm willing to spend a very long time making it up to him.
I can't tell you, or anyone, who Alveus is, but I won't deny how I feel about him. I care about Alveus more than I may ever realize, and I'm damn glad he's a much better person than I am, otherwise, he could never have forgiven me after what I did to him. There are things much more important than what is percieved as "normal," and my relationship with Alveus is one of them.
Thank you. Current Mood: contemplative
|Saturday, December 31st, 2005|
|Great Ending to a Mediocre Year
Man, I'm starting to love this journal thing! Once I'm finished with this, I'm printing it, then posting it to my real journal. I'm so excited, I'm even removing the security deal to this, so anyone can read it in the very unlikely event anyone actually cares!
To those of you who more-less know me, you probably think I'm acting strange...er...
My explanation is simple, but is not coming up 'til later, so if you send an e-mail about it or something, I know you care enough to read this otherwise boring enty.
So you do care, I'm touched. T.T
Ahhh! I can't figure out how to view this once I post it! Nevermind, I just figured it out.
Just to warn you, the rest is going to be ran... Look! A Squirrel! Hehe, sorry, it was one HUGE squirrel, you see 'cuz my dad has this bag of surplus sunflower seeds and... nevermind, I could just send you some of the DOZENS of pictures my brother took.
Anyway, back on track... for the moment... I love irony. Not in a sexual way, but more of a... you make me laugh, and I LOVE to laugh-kinda way, ya know? Ya know... Ya know?
Irony is, without a doubt, my favorite aspect of quality programs. Such as "The Last Castle" where they're raising the flag. I'd tell you more, but it would spoil the movie, and it's a GOOD movie about totalitarianism and the egomania of some people.
So here's where my erratic, not erotic, that comes later, and so do I, actions come in.
As you may or may not know, depending on if you're in the same threads I'm in, and if you are you know, even though that's obvious since if that weren't the case I probably wouldn't be typing it, but I did, so you know that's what I mean, and if you don't, then you probaby either don't know what I'm talking about (even though this isn't talking) which would be not knowing what I mean, or it would mean you don't actually go on these threads, although when I say these, it's really only one of the threads I'm on that is relavent to this portion, Ted and Des kissed.
In the thread, it's the first kiss of Des' in a large number of years, and I admittedly don't know if it's also Ted's, but I assume it isn't, and I could be wrong, I just doubt that I'm wrong even though I could be. Essentially, though, it's his first kiss, his referring to Des, and not Ted, who I just established it wasn't with this sentence fragment, and he's my character.
What's ironic, is what happened today. My date with Katie went well, and I wanted to end it well. If you've read my posts, you may have noticed several of my characters mocking me for not having a girl/boyfriend, but that's because those posts are old and were made before I got one. To end it well, I devised a clever scheme. I would comment on how we've never held hands before, then state how "it's the last time we'll see eachother this year," she likes that kind of cheesy/corny humor (in moderation) so she would laugh, then I would 'swoop' in for the kiss.
*Insert ASCII thumbs up, 'cuz I won't 'cuz I'm lazy*
What I didn't count on was my brother Aaron. He's that kinda guy who does stuff without cause or warning. Essentially, he effed up the ordeal. Because of this unforseen (despite being obvious) complication, I hatched a backup plan where I tell her the original plan. She agreed and...
I don't know why I'm delaying, it's friggin' obvious, we KISSED!!!!!!
*Insert that one italian song they always sing when they're in love, like in that movie with the guys from "Grumpy Old Men", what was it called... "Out to Sea"! The black haired guy sang it when he got it on with that one girl he thought was rich but actually wasn't*
Thus, my character Des, and myself, had our first kisses within 48 hours of one another.
*Insert that song again*
I now know why so many people obsess over their first kiss.
Best of all, reaching first base opens the door to se...
Eh? What are you doing here?
It isn't what it looks like!
*sound of a struggle*
Stop her! Someone please! Dear God! What is she doing with that...
That was incredible.
Ahhh.... I have no idea what to type now.
So long... Farewell... Auf Wiedersehen Goodbye...
*repeat and fade* Current Mood: crazy